Friday, February 14, 2014

The Cure (mini-challenge days 3 and 4)



 I brung a lung
to the doctor, snug
in its cage of ribs, raw
with a raging infection
of grief.

Relief was a brief
encounter; the doc proffered
a pill broke in two
and said a whole heart
would choke, would chark,
and so much better in pieces
to chew.

             And you like a fool
stood there smiling, all the whiling
I supped at your soul, sucking at sweet
sorrow-fed meat as if the masticant
beat of your loving entreaty
might heal.


Poet's Note:  This is days 3 and 4 combined.  Day 3 sort of stumped me at first.  How do I not write like myself?  By definition, I write like me...even trying not to.  I am still myself, always...even when I wish otherwise.  And I have at times wished otherwise.  Maudlin, maudlin, moving on.  But then I was looking at Day 4 and the illness challenge...and, well, this sort of came together on top of 'brung a lung' which I'd normally edit out before it ever hit paper. Decided to go with it...build on it...and I sort of liked the results...still me...but a slight wild-side-of-grammar me...please don't tell on me to any of my former English teachers!  

Let me know what you think.  Good, bad or ugly.  Promise I don't break.  :-)

3 comments:

  1. Ohmigawsh!! You nailed it!!!

    This is absolutely like NOTHING I have ever read by you except it is exquisite. Your rhyme scheme also reminds me I never noticed anything in your poetry that was so over the top melodic... hmmm. Interesting.

    This would be a fantabulous performance piece.

    "raw with a raging infection of grief" - this was my life the last couple of weeks. How could you have known?

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    Replies
    1. As thanks! You are very kind to read and respond with such enthusiasm!

      As for that last, maybe I was channeling something...glad the line spoke to you but beyond words sorry you've been struggling with that kind of hurt.

      Hope you are in or are headed for an upswing.

      Thank you so much for giving the prompt and for reading. :-)

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  2. This is interesting. It's past tense but still pulls your heart. Thank you!

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